Author's Note: This is something I came up with when I was listening to a beautiful song by Boys to Men called 4 Seasons of Loneliness... I hope ya'll like it! I wanted this to be different so I hope I accomplished that in writing this story.

“4 Seasons of Loneliness”

A Story of Two Broken Hearts

{passion'n'romance}

End of Fall

Walker's Ranch

            Alex pulled into the lane way of her fiancé's ranch with tears rolling down her pale face. She looked in the mirror and fixed herself up before stepping out into the cool fall air. She slowly walked up the steps but before she knocked, an encouraging sigh escaped her mouth... then she knocked.

            Walker cautiously opened the door and stepped back signaling her to come in with the movement of his head. She was wrapped in a light jacket and he could tell she had been crying. He knew why, it was his fault. They silently walked to the living room and took a seat on the sofa; Alex on one side and Walker on the other. He knew what was coming, she was about to tell him exactly what was on her mind and he was somewhat prepared.

            “Alex...”

            “No Walker, let me do this.” She just about whispered looking down at the ring on her left finger. “Things... Things have changed... Ever since you proposed, it's like you've been distant, not yourself, I don't know.”

            “Alex, there's just a lot of things on my mind.”

            “Things that made you embarrass me tonight. Walker have things gotten so out of hand that you just up and decided to make an outburst like that?”

            “I'm sorry, but...”

            “No buts, Walker. You hurt me, you hurt me bad. Those words you said tonight hit me like a bolt of lightning... But the thing that really upset me was that... When I looked into your eyes, I knew you meant what you said.”

            “I didn't mean it Alex, I didn't mean it.”

            “You did.”

            “Alex...”

            “Walker...” She said, her voice shaky. “You obviously have some things you need to sort out...” She dropped her head and looked back down at the ring. “Things that I can't help you...”

            “Alex don't you dare.”

            “Walker, I really think that you'd do better sorting things out by yourself, without having a very upset, mad, and disappointed fiancée hanging around.” She said as the tears spilled over. She decided not to hide them anymore.

            “Damn it, Alex, don't... Don't do this.”       

            “I've waited so long to have a relationship with you... I just knew we could survive anything... But you have so much to think about and sort out and I can't help you. As much as I want to... I can't.” She said simply as she stood up and walked out of the living room.

            “Ale...”

            “Walker, please don't make this any harder than it has to be...” She pleaded with him as fresh tears made their ways down her face. She looked down at the ring and covered it with her hand. She gently took it off and took Walker's hand. “I'm sorry.” She cried as she placed it in his palm and left the house.

            Walker didn't know what had just happened. His little outburst had cost him a lifetime of happiness with the woman he loved, his life.

I long for the warmth of days gone by

When you were mine

But now those days are memories in time

Life's empty without you by my side

My heart belongs to you

No matter what I try

Winter

Alex's Apartment

            Alex sat in her empty apartment eating a bowl of ice cream. It had been a few weeks since that fateful night that she had abruptly ended her relationship with Walker. She was still down in the dumps about the whole thing and she hoped that Walker would finally face his past.

            Alex decided to stop feeling bad for herself. She was going to do something. Then she decided to call a friend. A friend who had asked her out a short while after the break up. She turned him down, but now she reconsidered.

            “Hi, Matt, it's Alex.”

            “Alex, how are you?”

            “I'm fine. I was just wondering if you still wanted to go to CD's tonight for his party.”

            “Sure.”

            “Well, I've thought things over. I'd love to go with you.”

            “I'll be by at 9 on the dot.”

            “I'll be waiting.”

CD's Bar and Grill

            Walker sat at a table with his date, Sara Jacobs, hoping to see Alex. He hadn't talked to her since their break up and he longed to see her. His eyes focused on the door and when she walked in arm in arm with Matt Clayton he wanted to gouge the man's eyes out. His focus then went back to Alex, she looked beautiful as always.

            Alex led Matt to the bar where CD and Trivette stood chatting. “Hi guys. You  know Matt Clayton.”

            “Oh yes, hello Matt. I'm glad you could make it.” CD smiled at the man and looked over at Walker who was engaged in conversation with Sara. He knew he was watching though.

            “Would you like to dance Alex?”

            “I'd love to.” She smiled taking Matt's preferred hand.

            He led her to the dance floor and they danced for quite some time. Matt was very content but Alex, on the other hand, was watching Walker with Sara.

            “Matt, I'll be right back, I'm gonna go get a drink.”

            “O... Okay.”

            Alex walked toward the bar. On her way, though, she was stopped by a few people and didn't notice Walker getting up. Walker stood at the bar and grabbed the drink that CD gave him. Alex, not noticing where she was headed, bumped into him. His drink spilled all over his shirt.

            “I'm so sor...” She turned around and locked eyes with Walker. “Hi.”

            “Hi.”

            “Are you having fun with Sara?” Alex asked looking over at the brunette that occupied the table she and Walker used to share.

            “Are you having fun with Matt?”

            “Yes I am... Your date looks really nice.”

            “Thanks and yours look very... put together.”

            “...What's that supposed to mean?”

            “It means he looks put together.”

            Alex laughed, “Put together?”

            “Yes, put together...”

            “...I better get back to Matt.” She sighed walking away from him and back to Matt. “Uh... Matt, I think I'm ready to go home, I don't feel very well.”

            “Oh... Okay, if that's what you want.”

            Walker watched as Alex and Matt left. He wanted so bad to follow her... to be the one who danced with her. He wanted her back in his arms, not in Matt's.

Alex's Apartment

            Matt walked Alex back to her apartment. She quickly thanked him for taking her to CD's and gave him a peck on the cheek. She entered her apartment and went to her room where she changed her clothes and plopped on the bed, crying herself to sleep.

When I get the courage up to love somebody new

It always falls apart 'cause they just

Can't compare to you

Your love won't release me

I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change

In comes the winter breeze

That chills the air and drifts the snow

And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

Spring

Restaurant

            Alex and Matt sat a table in the back of the restaurant laughing and talking. They had been dating since the New Years Eve party at CD's but she was reluctant to making things too serious. She wasn't ready for something serious just yet. It had been months since the break up and her heart was still healing. Truth be told, Walker was still the keeper of her heart and she knew she'd never get it back. She was his and he was hers. That was how it was, but she or he, couldn't admit that to themselves.

            “Alex, I've been meaning to ask you something.”

            “What is it, Matt?”

            “Why won't you commit to me?”

            “...I was afraid that you would ask that question.”

            “Yea, well we've been dating for four months and frankly Alex... I'm in love with you.”

            “Matt, I can't say that return the feeling. I mean...”

            “Listen Alex, I'm looking for someone that I can settle down with, to start a family with. I'm getting up there and I'm afraid if I don't find that person soon...”        

            “That person's not me, Matt, I assure you.”

            “I believe you are, Alex, you just won't give me a chance to prove to you that we are meant to be together.”

            “Meant to be together?”

            “Yes, Alex.”

            “Matt...”

            “Just give me a chance.” He said lessening the space between them.

            Alex thought about his 'proposition' of sorts and decided to give him a shot. What could it hurt. It seemed Walker, was into that Sara girl. If he could move on, so could she. Alex leaned forward and softly, her lips met his.

Walker's Ranch

            Walker stood in his room and sighed angrily. He was very frustrated. He missed her and her scent lingered around the room, not helping at all. Alex was all he could think about and Sara... well Sara was just a friend. She couldn't compare at all to his Alex, which is why he told Sara that they couldn't see each other anymore. He decided to take Alex's advice and face his demons head on, then he would get Alex back. He'd get her.

When spring time makes its way here

Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

Summer

Dallas Park

            Alex and Matt sat on the red blanket he had laid out for them. Their picnic was heavenly, something Alex needed more than anything. They sat together holding each other in the summer heat. Then her mind began to drift... She and Walker used to do the same thing, especially in the summer. Except it would be at his ranch. She missed that. She wouldn't tell anyone, but she cried almost every night. She was still in pain. The man holding her was not the man she wanted, nor needed for that matter. He was just a mere replacement of the strong arms that used to hold her in times like those. He couldn't compare to Walker and she knew it.

The Reservations

            Walker stood outside of a tent with White Eagle. He had just spent a long week of meditating. He faced all his demons and was certain that his past was just that, his past. It would no longer interfere with his relationship with a certain blond Assistant DA, it would no longer be an excuse for any of his off the wall behaviors, and it no longer defined who he was now. It was his past. He was aware that his past was apart of him and he would never forget it, but it was time to let it go and move on.

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you

Go skinny dipping in the ocean where used to do

Fall

Restaurant

             Alex walked into the eating place and looked around for Matt. She had made up her mind, she was no longer going to lead him on. Her mind drifted to their time together and her time with Walker. No matter what happened, she'd always compare her relationship with Matt to her relationship with Walker... there was no comparison. What she felt with Walker was pure love, there were no doubts, no true fears, nothing like that, she wanted to be with Walker and that was that.

             Matt placed his hand on Alex's shoulders bringing her out of her reverie. “Hi.” He whispered kissing her cheek.

             “Hi.” She forced a smile as he took her hand and led her to their table where he held out her chair for her and she sat down.

             “Alex... there's something very important that I want to ask you.”

             “Matt, I...”

             “Please, honey, let me do this.”

             “Okay.”

             He covered her hand with his. “I love you with all my heart, Alex. I've never felt this way about any woman before... Which is why I want to ask you a question.”

             “What is it?”

             Matt placed his hand in his pocket and took out the black velvet box handing it to Alex. She looked down and sighed. “Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

             Alex couldn't breathe let alone think. Her mind was gone and her heart raced. Similar to the way she felt when Walker proposed to her. It probably would've been more dramatic if she wasn't in the hospital bed when he did. Something was missing though, something important. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, her heart raced, but she wasn't speechless, nor was she smiling... “I'm sorry, Matt, I can't.”

             “What?”

             “Matt, I can't do this to you or myself anymore.”

             “Do what?”

             “Lie, I can't lie to myself anymore. I spend most nights trying to convince myself that I'm in love with you and other nights trying to convince myself that I'm completely over...”

             “I thought you loved me.”

             “I do, Matt, but not the way you think.”

             “Alex, I gave my heart to you.”

             “I know, and I'm sorry... but the truth is... I gave my heart away a long time ago.” The blond woman said as a single tear fell from her deep blue eye. Alex stood up and grabbed her purse. “I'm sorry, Matt.” Then, she left.

When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare

When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

Flashback

             Alex laid in Walker's arms as he gently caressed her soft hair. Her eyes were closed, but she was awake.

             “Walker?” She whispered.

             “Yea?”

             “Why did you propose to me?”

             “What?”

             “I know it's a crazy question...”

             “I proposed because I love you, Alex. And I guess I felt that I kept you waiting so long... It was time.”

             “Are you sure...”

             “I'm positive.”

             “I didn't even finish what I was saying, Walker.”

             “Alex, when it comes to you I'm sure of everything.” He smiled kissing her on her forehead. Satisfied, Alex snuggled closer into Walker's form and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Remember the nights when we closed our eyes

And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time

Alex's Apartment

             The lonely Alex sat in her dark living room listening to the rain outside of the window. Tears streamed down her face as memories of she and Walker flooded her mind and heart. She cried and laughed at the same time as she replayed humorous memories in her head, she cried harder as she remembered pointless and stupid arguments. She stood up and walked to the radio. She turned the dial and the voices of Boys to Men filled the room with the heart wrenching lyrics of the song she would come to hate but love at the same time.

Anytime I think about these things is shared with you

I break down and cry 'cause I get so emotional

Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change

In comes the winter breeze

That chills the air and drifts the snow

And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

When spring time makes its way here

Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you

Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do

When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare

When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

             Alex wanted to hit the radio but the song was a reflection of her life. In just that little verse, Boys to Men had summed up her life. It was crazy. She walked to the sofa and was about to sit down when her door bell rang. She didn't want to answer it, after all, she was just wearing a pair of shorts and a spaghetti strap shirt. She opened it anyway.

             “Walker?” She uttered.

             “Hi.”

             “Wha... What are you doing here?”

             “I came to talk.”

             “You...”

             “Can I come in?”

             “...Sure.” She said opening the door wider for him to step in. “Can I get you anything?”

             “No... I just have a few things to say.”

             “Have a seat.”

             “No, this is gonna be fast. I'm not too good with words.”

             “I know.”

             “Look, Alex. It was stupid of me not to run after you after you left the ranch...”

             “A year ago.”

             “I never really actually got that saying, 'You never know what you had until its gone', something like that until now. A few months ago I was sitting at my desk and those words you said to me the night... They just took over my mind, Alex. Then I knew what I had to do. I went to the reservations and meditated. Something I really needed to do... You were right Alex, I needed to sort some things out... a lot of things and you couldn't help me.”

             “Walker, let me stop you right now. Do you know how selfish it is of you to come moseying on in here after a year and tell me these things? Don't you know that I have life? A life that doesn't revolve around you... I've spent this whole entire year thinking and hoping and praying. When I broke the engagement off last year, I did not know how hard it was going to be afterwards. I didn't think about anything like that. Just about how you embarrassed me that night. And your words that still hunt me to this very day Walker... they still hurt. I don't know if I can get past that.”

             “I'm not asking you to get past it, Alex. I'm just telling you...”

             “You're telling me a bunch of stuff that I already know. I know you like I know the back of my very own hand. I just don't know what you feel, and you not telling me didn't help at all. You can't keep putting walls up around your heart, Walker, 'cause frankly it's a little tiring to constantly have to knock them down.”

             “Can we work on this?”

             “I don't know if I'm ready.”

             “When will you know?”

             “I'll know... when I know.” Alex said as she stood up and opened the door for Walker to exit.

             “There's another thing that I want you to know, Alex. Something that I've never stopped doing.”

             “What?” She asked as Walker stepped outside the door.

             “I've never stopped loving you.” He said.

             “Goodnight Walker.”

This loneliness

Has crushed my heart

Please let me love again

'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain

Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again

             Alex closed the door as tears spilled over, her hand still covering to knob. She couldn't bring herself to take it off. Maybe she had made a wrong decision, maybe when Walker came back she should have jumped into his arms, maybe she should have told him exactly how she felt. Alex turned the knob and swung the door open. She ran down the stairs and to the exit. She pushed the door open and was instantly covered in the pouring rain. Wet from head to toe, she sped to Walker's truck. “Walker! Walker!”

             “Al... Alex, what are you doing...” He asked.

             “What?!” Alex yelled, the rain drowning out his voice.

             “What are you doing?!”

             “What!”

             “What in the hell are you doing?!”

             “Trying to stop you from leaving! Why else would I be standing out here?! Walker, maybe we should...”

             “What?!”

             “Maybe we should...”

             “What?!”

             “Damn it, maybe we should give us another shot!”

             “I thought...”

             “I think too much!” She yelled, her tears blending with the rain droplets on her face. “I've been doing that a lot lately, I should cut back!”

             “Alex...”

             “Walker, I'm not going to apologize for breaking the engagement. You obviously needed that time to sort things out. I didn't think you'd take so long, of course. But, I am going to tell you that I missed the hell out of you.” She said taking his face in her hands, “And that I need you more than I need anything else in this world, and that I cry myself to sleep almost every night because of this, but the most important thing that I'm going to tell you is that I love you very much, I've never stopped loving you and I don't intend to.”

             “I love you too, Alex.” Walker whispered pressing his lip on hers.

             Alex was in heaven. All the memories of that year were put behind her and Walker. The winter, spring, summer, and fall was something she wanted not to forget but to not let define her relationship with Walker or interfere. It was something that happened and was marked as a lesson learned. It made her understand her love for Walker and herself.

In comes the winter breeze

That chills the air and drifts the snow

And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

When spring time makes its way here

Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you

Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do

When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare

When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

The End

Author's Note: I really hope you enjoyed the story. It took me the longest to finish. If you have any comments email me at bribri_beautilicious@yahoo.com I know my email is a little long and crazy but please, tell me what you think.

The Usual Disclaimers...