TITLE: A Moment of Doubt

AUTHOR: RazrEdge   a.k.a..  Jennifer


DISCLAIMER: I Don’t own them, I just write about them.

SUMMARY: What Happens when Alex has a moment of doubt about her an Walker.

NOTES: This is my first Walker fic, so please be gentle in the comments.  Hope you enjoy. Won’t be my last either.

            She stared out of her apartment window and sipped on her cup of coffee.  Her mind kept wandering back to him.  Her thoughts always seemed to come back to him.  She heard a knock on her door and simply said “Come In.” 

            Texas Ranger Cordell Walker stuck his head in the door and said “Hi.”  He gives his fiancée, Alex Cahill, one of his best smiles and she melts.  She smiles in spite of the way she feels.

            Walker closes the door behind him and says “Hi honey.”

            Alex looked at him and said “Hey Cowboy”, she then went back to staring out of the window.  Walker took off his jacket and hat and placed them on the couch.  He knew something was wrong with Alex. 

            “Alex, is something wrong?” Walker asked as he walked over to stand directly behind her at the window. 

            “I have just been thinking” Alex said never taking her eyes from the view. 

            “Anything you want to share with me?”  Walker asked getting very nervous.  She turned around and was staring directly into Walkers eyes.  Walker looked and could see the unshed tears. 

            “I have been thinking about us” Alex said.  Walker could suddenly hear his heart pounding in his chest.  He knew this was going to be bad.  Alex walked over to the couch and sat down. 

            After a few moments she looked at Walker and said “Walker do you really want to marry me?”

            Walker looked at her shocked and said “Yes I want to marry you Alex, why would you ask me a question like that?”  Walker sat down next to her and tried to get Alex to look at him.

            “I love you Walker and I know you love me, but I don’t think that you want to marry me.  Walker looked at Alex and said “Alex, why are you talking like this?”

            Alex looked at Walker and with a tear rolling down her face and said “When I tried to talk to you about our wedding this afternoon you joked your way out of it again.”  Walker’s breath caught in his throat and he knew at that moment he may have made the worst mistake of his life.  “Alex, I am sorry” was all Walker could manage to say.

            “I know” Alex said finally looking him in the eyes.

            “Walker maybe all of the joking that you do about us getting married is not really joking.”  Alex said.  Walker felt dizzy and thought he was going to throw up.  Walker walked away from Alex and began to look at the same view she was looking at earlier.  He was desperately trying to control his emotions.

            “Face it Cowboy, you proposed under extreme circumstances.”  Alex had never told Walker that it bothered her the way he proposed.  She sometimes felt that he proposed out of fear of losing her more than love.   Walker looked at her and saw the tears running down her face.  He knew this was breaking her heart.

            Alex looked at him and said “I would just like to be alone tonight Walker, please go.”  Walker looked at her and nodded.  He was going to do what she asked, mostly because he had no idea how to fix what he had broken.

            Walker walked to the door turned and looked at Alex and said “I am sorry Alex.”  As Walker closed the door behind him he could hear Alex crying.  He put one hand on the door wishing he could go inside and hold her, but he knew he couldn’t. 

CD’S Bar and Grill (2 days later)

            “Cordell I love ya son, but sometimes you are slower than a turtle crossing the street.”  C.D. Parker said to him.  Walker looked at C.D. and frowned.  He had told C.D. what had happened in hopes of getting some advice from his former partner.  He had not seen or heard from Alex in two days, he felt like he was about to loose his mind.  He couldn’t sleep, dreams of Alex invaded his mind, he also was not eating.  He walked around with a constant pain in his chest.

            “C.D. I don’t need to be told how stupid I am, what I need is for you to tell me how to fix the situation.” Walker said.

            “Cordell you already know what to do, you have to show Alex how much you love her and why you want to marry her.” C.D. said.

            Walker looked at him and said “Alex knows I love her, I thought she knew why I wanted to marry her was because I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

            C.D. looked at Walker annoyed and said  “Sometimes knowing something and hearing you say it are two separate things son.  Alex needs to hear you say that to her.”  Walker stared at the beer in his hand.

            “Cordell are you going to let your and Alex’s relationship end because of one moment of doubt on her part.”

            Walker looked at C.D. and said “No, I am not.”  He grabbed his hat and left the bar. 

CD Bar and Grill (4 days later)

            Alex slowly walked into C.D.’s.  The last seven days had felt like seven years to her.  Her eyes had dark circles under them and she was pale.  She was having trouble sleeping and she was not eating.  She had missed Walker so much, she had felt physically sick.  She hated herself for letting one moment of doubt ruin there relationship.

             “Alex honey, it is great to see you” C.D. said as he came over to hug her.  C.D. was immediately concerned.

             “Honey you look terrible, when is the last time you slept?”

             Alex smiled at C.D. and said “I honestly can’t remember.”  The two walked over to a booth in front and sat down.  Alex was surprised C.D. did not go to a table in the back like they always did.  “I have really missed you the last four days” C.D. said putting his arm around her. 

            Alex put her head on C.D.’s chest and said “I am sorry C.D., I promise to not be a stranger anymore.”  Alex had felt very guilty for not seeing C.D. or Trivette, while she had been avoiding Walker.

            “I know honey” C.D. said hugging her.

             Alex turned to C.D. and said  “So, what was so important I had to come down here tonight?”    C.D. had made it a personal request for Alex to come down tonight, knowing she would never say no to him.

            C.D. got a sly grin on his face and said “Not now Alex, you are gonna have to wait for a while, but I promise it will be worth it.”  C.D. got up and left and brought Alex back a bowl of chili. 

            Alex sat and talked with C.D. for about 20 minutes.  She was relaxed and smiling for the first time in seven days.  She smiled bigger when Jimmy walked in without Walker.  She had missed talking to Jimmy and was glad she would get an opportunity now.

            “Hey Counselor” Jimmy said leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

            He slid in next to her and she smiled at him and said “How have you been?”

            He looked at her and said “Well, if you would have called me any this week you would know the answer to that question.”  

            Alex frowned and said “I am sorry Jimmy, I was afraid of running into Walker.”

            Jimmy smiled and said “Relax Counselor, I was only teasing.”

            Jimmy turned to C.D. at the bar and yelled “Big Dog, everything is ready.”  C.D. broke out into a huge grin.

            “What is going on?” Alex said.  She was beginning to get worried.

            “C.D. told me Walker would not be here tonight.”

            Jimmy turned to Alex and said “Alex I am sorry, but we had to get you down here.”  Alex began to gather her things to leave.

            Jimmy stopped her and said “I am sorry Alex, we should not have lied to you.  Tonight was Walkers idea and me and C.D. just wanted to help you two.”  Alex looked at Jimmy with fear in her eyes.  She was terrified to see Walker, afraid that the love she always saw in his eyes would somehow be different now.

            Jimmy put his hands over hers and said “Please stay Alex.”

            C.D. looked at the bar and started yelling “All right folks, we are closing up early tonight.  Private Party, I am sorry.”  Alex watched as the crowd left and C.D. turned most of the lights down, except for two, one that was above her booth and above the door. C.D. and Jimmy were both sitting on stools at the bar smiling.

            Soft music began to play in the back ground as Alex heard Walkers voice say “This song is for you Alex, please listen.” 

Maybe I pray too much

Maybe I‘m wasting gods time

Living without your touch is driving me out of my mind

If you could only see how much you matter to me, maybe

you would Stay Forever.

Maybe I care too much

Maybe I push you away

Maybe I’d have my doubt’s if I were in your place

If you could see inside this aching heart of mine

Maybe you would Stay Forever

            A single tear fell down Alex’s face as her father, Gordon Cahill, walked through the front door.  Alex wiped away her tears as she broke out into a big smile and said “Daddy, what are you doing here?”

            “I don’t know Pumpkin, Walker called me and asked if I would be able to fly down for a day or two.  He said it was very important I be here.”  Gordon bent down to kiss and hug his daughter and walked over to sit next to Jimmy and C.D. at the bar. 

You don’t have to go on living with your back against the wall

Let my loving arms surround you, I wont let you fall

If you would trust in me and this love of mine

We’ll sail an endless sea under a starry sky and when the cold wind blows

We’ll hold each other close Maybe You will Stay Forever

When the cold wind blows We’ll hold each other close maybe you will

Stay Forever

             As the song finished Walker walked into the bar in a tuxedo carrying one red rose.  He smiled as he walked toward Alex.  Alex was crying, for the last week she had lived in fear that she had lost Walker forever.  He handed Alex the rose and gently wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumb.  He took Alex’s hands in his and pulled her from the booth.

            He smiled at her an said “I hoped the song would soften you up.”  She laughed wiping away more tears.

             “Alex the only way I know how to say this is straight out” Walker said.

            He looked deep in her eyes and said “ The last week without you has been pure hell.  I thought about you all the time and saw you everywhere that I went.  I am so sorry Alex, I am sorry you ever doubted my love for you.”  Walker let out the breath he had been holding.

            “I love you so much Alex.  You are my heart and my life.  The last week has shown me I am nothing with out you.”

            A tear slid down Walkers face as he pulled a black box from his pocket and said “I don’t ever want you to wonder again why I am purposing to you.”  Alex’s voice caught in her throat as her hands covered her mouth.

            Walker got down on one knee and said “Alex Cahill, in front of your family and our dearest friends in the world, Will you marry me?”  Alex reached out a shaking hand as Walker placed the ring on her finger.  For a split second Walker’s mind took over instead of his heart.  He wondered what he would do if she said no.  He knew in his heart she would say yes, but that one moment of doubt terrified him.  He finally understood what Alex had been going through he vowed then and there never to make her go through that again.

            “You know I will” Alex finally said.  Walker got off his knees and kissed her soundly as Gordon, C.D., and Trivette clapped.

            “I love you” Alex said as she hugged Walker determined to never let him go again.

            “I love you too.”  Walker said whispering in her ear.