Dear Diary

By Leire

Angela was searching for her Mother's old dress in the attic. It was a stormy night and their parents were downstairs watching TV with the twins and her sister.

She was 16 now, next Friday she had to attend to a dance at school with some of her friends, and Alex told her that she could wear the black dress that Alex's Mom had given to her before she died.

While she was in the attic she found, a large box filled with letters, photos, the dress that she was looking for and a kind of a book, where it said..."Dear Diary" Obviously it was from Alex...she couldn't stay there and not open it so she opened and started reading and it said...

Dear diary:

I wanted to write in this book my inner feelings, and I think I should start from the beginning...

The other day, when I was in court I had to ask some questions to a handsome Texas Ranger, his name is Cordell Walker, and he has such a butt that no one can't stop and don't look at it. He said some horrible things to me, he said that I was asking stupid questions, and he wasn't right. In that moment I hated him, you should have seen how he was looking at me...anyway, days after it was New Year's Eve and I saw him in that bar and Grill, I suddenly started to yell at him, and before  I noticed he already was kissing me, it was such a beautiful kiss, I love his lips, dear diary I think I'm falling in love...

January 8th 1990

"Wow this must be when Mom met Dad that day in the court...can't wait to read more of it" Angela thinks to herself, this was getting very interesting...

Dear diary:

Today is that day that Mom got sick.  I remember I found her sitting in the kitchen table crying, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to hug her, but I didn't know how. Later that night when she was singing me a song for the night she started to cry again, and I asked what was wrong. At that time I was 14...and we lived alone cause Dad left us behind.

While she was crying I gave her a kiss and she said that I should know this...she told me that she wasn't feeling well, that she found out that she was sick, dear diary she had cancer.

I only hugged her that night, I asked her not to leave me alone anymore, I wanted to be with her all the time, I didn't want her to leave me alone, Dad left, Mom was sick...where would I go?

Dear diary, I was horrified, I didn't know what to do, and years passed, in fact three horrible years, I used to work, study and help Mom in everything, she was everything that I had at that time, she was so lovely such a great Mom...three years later, I found Mom in a hospital room, she was crying, she had no hair, her body was so pale...and she was crying...the doctor told me that she had hours before leaving this world, right there I sank but didn't want to seems sad for Mom, she always used to tell me ,that it doesn't matter how bad she is, that I should be happy always, and that's why I took my guitar and sang this song for my Mom.

Mamma you gave life to me

Turned a baby into a lady

And Mamma all you had to offer

Was a promise of a lifetime of love

Now I know there is no other love like a Mother's

Love for her child

I know that love so complete someday must leave

Must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I've ever hear

Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near

Someday you'll say that word and I will cry

It will break my heart to hear you say goodbye

Till we meet again until then Goodbye

When I finished the song, Momma started to cry and she said I love you my little girl. I remember those words because there were the last ones that I heard from her. At 5 am in the morning she was gone. I cried a whole river, I cried a whole sea, I cried for everything because Momma wasn't here.

But Dear Diary, I know that even though she is not here, she is with me from now till forever more. Cause she is my angel, my sweet lovely angel.

Dear Momma I miss you, but I will always have you in my heart.

Love, Alex.

February 27th 1994

Alex had told Angela about her Grandma many times but she never told her such a sad thing, she would never imagine what her life would be without her Momma.

Angela kept reading...the next chapter was about Alex wedding.

Dear Diary:

Today I married MY Cowboy. I was desperately afraid of his response, but he said I do, and I'm finally married to the best man in the world. I wish this could end forever as I'm sure it will.

He is changing now into some suitable pants he is in front of me, and he even doesn't know what I am writing, he has such a beautiful smile dear diary, I wish I could share it with you, but he is Mine only MINE Dear Diary.

                                                                                                May 20th 2000

She was enjoying reading this diary, Alex had told her about all this things but she never mentioned anything about this diary, in one side she shouldn't be reading this, but she knew that Mom wouldn't get angry. She has shared her own secrets with her Mom so this wouldn't disturb her.

Going to another chapter that started like this...

Dear Diary.

I'm the Happiest woman in world right now, guess what? A little Walker is on the way. I'm two months pregnant! I wish Mom could be here so I could ask her anything, even though I know she is here with me in mind soul and heart.

Dear diary, this feeling is strange, although I'm not sure of what should I feel, I already feel as having something small but big in illusion inside of me. Dear diary I'm going to be Momma.

Walker is so happy about it, he is asking questions the whole time, who wouldn't! But he also takes more care of me than before. I love all the attention that I'm receiving from my Cowboy. Dear Diary I cannot wait till my little Cowboy or Cowgirl is resting in my arms, I will love her or him more than anything else in this world. Dear Diary, I'm the most happiest woman in the entire world!

November 19th 2000

Angela was all smiles, her Mom was so happy about her arrival...she couldn't stop reading the diary. So she continued reading the next chapter...

Dear Diary

Today, my little girl was born. Her name is Angela, and she is such a beautiful baby. I got scared at first, she wasn't doing ok, but finally Walker saw a miracle and announced me that our little sugar was fine.

I couldn't hold my tears the first time I held her in my arms, she was so small and beautiful. She is blonde and although I cannot see her little eyes yet, I think she has my blue eyes dear diary.

Oh dear diary I'm such a happy Momma today!

May 19th 2001

It was getting dark and she couldn't see almost anything, so she waited for the next morning to finish reading her Mother's diary.

There were such a great stories in there, it was lovely, that's when she thought she would write one.

Alex came through the door and asked Angela what was she doing still in there.

She told her Mom that she found some interesting things of Alex youth and wanted to look at them.

"Momma, this is your diary right?"

"Oh, yes why honey?"

"Well I was..."

"You were reading?" Alex asked with a smile.

"Yes Mom, sorry I shouldn't..."

"Angela it's ok, those are all the feelings I have felt through the years. I wanted to share them with you someday, even though you didn't wait for me" she laughed.

"So it doesn't bother you that I've been looking at it?"

"No honey, it was a pleasure" she kissed her daughter.

"You know Mom?"

"Yes angel?"

"I love you so much"

"I love you too...honey would you help me getting up from the floor?" Alex asked not being able to get up from her extended pregnant stomach.

"Sure Momma, come on let's go to bed"

"Let's go honey, oh! and don't never forget, keep always your memories somewhere, where they won't blow away"

"I will start writing my own diary Mom"

"Really?"

"Yes, I want to keep my first kiss, my wedding, the new of the first baby, the birth, I wanna keep it all like you did Momma."

"That would be great Angela, that would be great"

"Come on I'll help you getting in bed, seems like my sister won't let you have a sleep"

"You are right, I think she is looking forward to read my Dear Diary too!"

"I'm sure Mom"

"Come on let's get down of here"

"Alright, Mom you are the greatest Mom"

"And you are the greatest daughter!"

"And you are my greatest women in my life" Walker joined them...

"Goodnight, dear" Alex said to Angela letting her in her own room, and walking next to Walker.

"Come on my sweet wife, I want to spend some time with you tonight, let's go to bed..."Walker finished-

And the lights went off at the Walker's ranch. With the thunders lighting all the sky, with the storms making the appearance in all the Texas sky.

The End

Author's note: I want to say that the song written in this story is in Celine Dion's " A new day has come" album.

June 11th 2003.