I Am Your Angel

By Tammy

Tammy@clarks.net

The halls were silent, except for the occasional beeping of monitors. All the lights had been dimmed placing a mournful presence to fall over the ICU wing of the hospital. Time seemed to have stopped since the accident. Memories kept flooding back into his mind. Everything had happened too fast, there had been no way to prevent it. At least that's what he was being told. Yet in his eyes he would always blame himself.

"Ranger Walker, you can go back in."

"Thank you." He waited for a few seconds, getting himself together before going back into the room. Taking a deep breath he rose and headed down the short hallway until he reached room 205. Slowly he entered and once again he had to hold in his emotions as he saw her lying there, helpless. Moving to her bed he sat down and took her hand.

"Alex…I'm so sorry." The tears, uncharacteristic yes, but he couldn't stop them. It was all his fault, he should have seen the other car.

The evening had begun so wonderful. Stopping early to pick her up she had been surprised to open the door and find him wearing a tuxedo.

"Walker! I thought we were going to a movie." Alex said letting him in. He chuckled as she glanced down at the jeans and sweater she had on.

"Well we are going to the theatre, but I figured you would enjoy this even more." Alex watched as he produced two tickets to the opera.

"Walker, you didn't!" She threw her arms around him and looking up into his eyes she smiled as tears of joy filled her eyes.

"Go change." Alex nodded as Walker quickly captured her lips in a soft kiss.

"But Walker…why did you do this…it isn't my birthday?"

"Because Alex…because, you are my angel, and I love you."

She rushed to get ready and together they headed to the opera. Walker really didn't like opera, but he knew Alex loved it. He did enjoy, secretly of course, going to public functions with the most beautiful woman he had the privilege of knowing, on his arm.

After the opera they had gone for a short walk, in a park, nearby. Walking arm in arm they had talked casually and stopping briefly near the pond Walker had taken her hands and faced her. Under the full moon he had kissed her with all the warmth and love in the world. They were so happy together and soon they would be married. The world just seemed so perfect, so wonderful.

"Walker, this was the most amazing night. Thank you." Alex said as they got back into her car.

"You are welcome madam." Glancing over at her he saw how happy she looked. She was so radiant, so beautiful, and yet when he told her such she just smiled and changed the subject. Modest, he smiled at the thought. Yeah, modest, stubborn, and independent, the three qualities he loved the most about her.

Chatting to each other Walker headed off in the direction of her apartment. Stopping at a stoplight Walker had glanced over at her and smiled. He remembered thinking how lucky he was to have such a woman in his life. As the light turned green he started into the intersection. He didn't know if his mind had been on Alex or if it was because he was driving her car, he wasn't sure, but suddenly a suburban, out of nowhere, impacted, hitting squarely on Alex's side. The car was spun around, and after the passenger side came into contact with a light pole, the car came to a rest on the opposite street corner.

Walker had been knocked unconscious and hadn't come to until he got to the hospital. "Alex," he asked trying to sit up in the examination room.

"Hold on Ranger," the nurse had said getting him to lie back down.

"Where is Alex?"

"Let me get your doctor." Suddenly she was gone. Pushing up on his arm he sat up and looked around. Moments later the doctor came in.

"Well Ranger Walker, you're awake."

"Where is Alex?" He was sounding like a broken record but they seemed to be talking around him and avoiding the subject, which frightened him.

"Ranger Walker…"

"Is she…" Fearing the worse he tried to push the doctor to the answer.

"She's in a coma right now. I'm sorry it doesn't look good. We have her on life support right now, but…I wish we had better news to tell you."

"I want to see her."

"I'm afraid that isn't a good idea…"

"I don't care what you think is a good idea, I am going to see her." Standing up Walker grabbed a hold of the bed waiting for the dizzy spell to recede.

"Alright…I should have known better than to try and go against you." The doctor led him to ICU and Walker waited until he left before entering her room.

The first time he saw her she looked so fragile, so much worse than after Storm had shot her. She had had some color then, now she looked like a shell. Taking her left hand in his he knelt beside her bed and brought her hand to his cheek. He cried, for the first time in most of his adult years, Walker cried tears of sorrow. This had been his fault.

When he left her room awhile later he found Trivette and C.D. looking for him.

"Walker, how is she?" Trivette asked coming up to him.

"She's on life support…" Walker choked out. Both Trivette and C.D. were shocked to see the tears in his eyes.

"Cordell, this wasn't your fault."

Walker could only go to the window and look out. How could they say that…he had been driving, he should have seen the car.

"He's right Walker. The guy ran the red light, there are at least three witnesses to contest to that. We'll have to wait for forensics to come back but from preliminary tests it has been figured he was doing at least 70 mph when he hit you."

"Did he make it?" Walker asked, why he wasn't sure.

"No, he died on impact. Walker, this wasn't your fault."

"I should have seen him." With that Walker shut them out.

Walker spent the entire night moving from her room to the waiting room. Trivette and C.D. had left to get some sleep, promising to come back early the next morning. Emotions raging Walker stood looking out the window and watched people moving around below him. This wasn't supposed to happen…they had finally set their wedding date and everything was going so great for them. Too great he thought, it was just like Alex always said, they had been in the "quiet before the storm." Whenever things were going great for them, things like this happened.

Later that morning Walker decided to take a drive, on orders from C.D. and Trivette. Taking Trivette's car he headed over to Alex's apartment. He didn't want to drive all the way home for fear something would happen and he wouldn't be able to get back in time. Entering her apartment he held his breath for a second as he "felt" her near him. Everything smelled like her and catching sight of their engagement picture he walked over and picked it up off the end table. Glancing down he noted a piece of paper wrapped around a tape had fallen to the floor. Bending down he picked it up. "My dearest Cordell."

Setting the picture back down Walker went to the couch and sat down to read the letter. "Over the years my love for you has grown so much, I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you. There are no words to describe how much you mean to me. When you smile at me my heart stops. Every time you take me into your arms I never want you to let me go. As long as I live I will never let you go. Loving you gives meaning to my life, you have saved me so much. You also have given me more than anyone deserves. No one would believe me if I told them how romantic you are, but that is fine because it will always be our little secret. Please forgive me today if I cry when we become man and wife, I have waited for this day for so long. You have given meaning to my life, have made me feel so special. Awhile ago I found this song that says how much I love you. I'm yours forever Cordell Walker."

Standing up Walker went to the stereo and put in the tape. Suddenly a very beautiful song flooded the room.

No mountain's too high for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith
No rivers too wide for you to make it through
All you have to do is believe it when you pray

And then you will see
The morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears
Cast them on me
All I ever wanted was you to see

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your Angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm near
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your Angel
I'm your Angel

"Hey Walker," Trivette said coming up to him.

"Hi…is there any change."

"'fraid not," C.D. said joining them.

"Did you get any rest?" Trivette asked noting Walker hadn't changed his clothes, he was still wearing the tux.

"No, I went to Alex's apartment, didn't want to be too far away, in case…" he stopped there not wanting to venture any farther.

"That's understandable Cordell, but you need some sleep." C.D. chimed in.

Without saying a word in response Walker walked past them and headed to her room. She looked paler, but maybe it was because he hadn't been with her for a few hours, or because the lights were brighter in the daytime. Taking his seat in the chair next to her he took her hand.

"Alex, I found the note and the tape. You know I can't top that, I'm not as good at expressing myself the way you are. But, Alex…I love you so much…and I am so sorry this happened. You have to come back to me…I can't live without you. For the first time in my life…I have found someone to complete me…Alex, don't give up. Fight…for me, please. I couldn't bear it if you left me. I need to see your bright blue eyes sparkling when you smile. I need to hear you laugh. My heart couldn't bear another loss…especially if it meant losing you. Alex, you gave me back my life… allowed me to feel again. Please…please Alex, come back to me…you are my Angel." He was pleading with her, trying to will her back to him. His heart was breaking, as he could feel her breaking away from him.

Suddenly the monitor began beeping wildly. Looking up he saw her heart monitor flat-line. Doctors and nurses flooded the room. Rushing past Walker they pushed him out the door. For several seconds he watched form the doorway. As the de-fibular was brought on line he willed his feet to move farther down the hallway.

She was leaving him, for the past 24 hours she had put up a gallant fight. Now, because of him, she was gone. He could feel his heart ripping in two as memories of time past flooded his mind. From their first encounter, to their first kiss, to the day he proposed, the memories rested finally on the night before. It ended the same way, Alex left, never to return to his arms again.

Suddenly he couldn't control his emotions any longer and standing opposite a wall his fist connected sending debris flying everywhere. He had killed her just as sure as if he had taken his gun and shot her. Without looking back he left the hospital.

I saw your teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time
Seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still alone
It don't have to be this way
Let me show you a better day

Oh and then you will see
The morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
All of your fears
Just cast them on me
How can I make you see

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your Angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm near
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are

I am your Angel

Hailing a cab he headed back to her apartment, he wasn't sure why. But he needed to be close to her. No matter how long he lived there would never be anyone to fill the now empty void that had once been his heart and his entire life. Looking back he knew he would miss how mad she could get at him, but then most of the time he would do things on purpose. Watching her eyes shoot daggers and steam coming from her ears always made him smile, she was so beautiful when she got mad at him. But the best was making up.

All he had to do was walk up to her and wrap his arms around her. Pulling her in close the tension and anger would subside within seconds. But this too usually made her upset once again because she couldn't understand how anyone, especially her cowboy, could make her feel that way. They couldn't stay upset with each other for long.

Their walks were his favorite. He could be himself, completely at ease when they were together out at the ranch. For a long time the ranch had become theirs in both minds. Together they would raise a family, grow old and someday would be buried up on the ridge that overlooked the river. Years earlier he had taken Alex there, because he wanted a way to tell her how much he loved her without having to say the words.

Early the next morning he awoke to someone knocking on the door. Rousting himself from the couch Walker went to the door. The night had been horrible. He had sat staring at their engagement picture. When that wouldn't work he had gone out on the balcony and looked up at the limited stars the city of Dallas was granted.

Picturing his arms around her there had been times when he had believed she was really there. Several times during the night he had awoke to her calling to him. She wasn't in trouble, just wanted, no needed, to be held. Over and over she repeated that the accident hadn't been his fault. "I love you…you saved me," she would say and then was gone.

Opening the door slightly he found Trivette standing with an anxious expression on his face.

"Thank God." Trivette noticed the gaunt appearance Walker wore.

"What do you want?" He was being short not because he was angry he wanted to be alone. There would be no time constraints that he could place on how long he would grieve this loss. It was so true, the longer you're together the harder it was to say goodbye.

"I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Why?

"Alex…" Trivette noticed the hurt expression that immediately fell upon his partner. He looked as though someone had punched him in the stomach. "You haven't heard have you?"

"Trivette, what are you talking about?"

"Alex, woke up last night."

"That's impossible…I saw…she…"

"Man, they revived her. The doctor came out about 9:00 and told us what happened. I've been looking for you ever since. " At that Walker's heart began to race. Alex…alive, could it really be that he was being given a second chance with her?

An hour later, still in the tuxedo from their night at the opera, Walker entered Alex's private room. Her color was back, and as he walked up to her those bright blue eyes he loved so much, sparkled when she smiled. He wanted to hold her, wanted to kiss her, he never wanted to let her go. God had given them another chance. As he looked deep into her eyes she touched his face that had tears forming. He knew how much she was his Angel on earth.

"I'm sorry…I thought you…I was sitting with you last night and you…"

"I know, the doctors told me, but it's alright…" she responded as he sat down next to her.

"Alex, I am so sorry…"

"Walker, this wasn't your fault…in fact it was you that brought me back. I could hear you calling to me, you reached out to me and I couldn't leave without you. I told you I loved you and that you saved me." At this time Walker knew that the night before she had been calling to him…she was telling him she was all right.

Embracing Walker held onto her tightly not knowing what would happen around the next bend on their road of life. But whatever they were handed nothing made him doubt that they couldn't get through, it their love was stronger than anything else in the world.