Opposites Kidnap

By: Jim Griffin [keeneyanke@yahoo.com]

Alex Cahill Walker stretched languorously as the first warm rays of the Texas sunrise touched her lithe body.  She lay still for a few moments, still contemplating her new name, Mrs. Cordell Walker.  How she loved the sound of it.  Still half asleep, she rolled over to rub her hand over the muscular back of her new-minted husband.  He really appreciated these early morning massages.  However, as Alex reached out for Cordell, she touched nothing but the slight depression in the sheets where he had been laying.  This was not unusual since, in Walker's work as a Ranger, he often arose early, especially while investigating a particularly tough case, and left without disturbing Alex.  Still, Alex had a slight foreboding, a feeling that something was amiss, although she could not explain the reasons for her feelings.  "Oh, well, she said to herself, I just need a shower and some coffee before I head off to work.”  She climbed out of bed, and, slipping out of her mauve silk negligee, revealing her perfectly formed body, she headed for the bathroom.  As she walked toward the waiting tub, she realized that the shower was running.  Steam was rolling out of the partially open bathroom door.

"Wonderful", thought Alex to herself. "Cordell thought he could get away before I woke up. Well, I'll just slip into the shower and surprise him.  We may BOTH be late for work."  Despite her sensual thoughts, her unexplained feeling of dread kept nagging at her and grew stronger as she approached the shower.  Alex realized the shower curtain was partially open.  She slowly stepped the rest of the way to the tub, and, with great trepidation, pulled open the shower curtain, to reveal ......nothing!!!! (End of Chapter One)

"Darn that husband of mine", muttered Alex to herself, "He left the water running again."  Walker had been a bachelor for too many years, and still had many of his old bachelor habits.  Still, Alex couldn't blame him.

She herself still had many of her old habits from her single years.  After reaching down to pick up the wet towels Walker had left behind, she used one of them to reach toward the mirror.  As she wiped the steam from the mirror, Alex let out a piercing scream of such terror and intensity it seemed to come from the bowels of the Earth itself.  For, in defogging the mirror, the source of Alex's feeling of dread was shockingly revealed.  The mirror unblinkingly showed that not only did she have a hair out of place, but she had awakened with the exact same hairdo that she had fallen asleep in.  Running from the bathroom at full speed, Alex dashed for the telephone, bosom heaving and gasping for breath.  Fortunately, as a seasoned D.A., she was able to keep her emotions in check.  She speed-dialed Sergio, making an appointment at the salon on her way to the office.  Then, as usual, she threw on some old thing, with the same stunning effect as always.  After getting her hair done, she stopped by the Ranger's office hoping to see Walker before their day began.  Entering the office, she gave a cheery "Hello" to Trivette.  "Have you seen Walker yet?", she asked Jimmy. "No", he replied, "I was just going to ask you why he was late.  Oh, well, you know Walker- He'll come in here with a couple of crooks in tow, and then he'll stop by your office for the indictment and a quick rendezvous in your closet.  You know how romantic he gets after a bust".  Alex realized that Trivette, no matter how much of a loser he was a romance, was right about Walker.  "Call me when he gets in," Alex told Jimmy-  I have a couple of cases to prepare- And I need to get my legal briefs ready for Cordell to examine" (End of Chapter 2)

It was now 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  Gage & Sydney had arrived at Ranger headquarters, and Trivette had wrapped up a sandwich (it was one of his semi-vegetarian specials, which meant one half of the sandwich had meat, while the other half didn't) Still, there had not been a word from Walker.  Alex returned, and now there was a definite feeling of apprehension (and not the apprehension of a criminal) hanging over the office like the sword of Damocles.

Then, to break the tension, Trivette's phone rang.  He pounced on it (which hurt like the devil), screaming into the receiver "Walker, where the heck have you been?"  But, the voice on the other end of the wire was deep and sinister, and definitely not Walker's. 

"If Walker cooperates", it said, "you'll merely get him back in two pieces"-If he doesn't, the coyotes will be full-very, very soon"  Trivette tried in vain to keep the person on the line, but they hung up before a trace could be finished. Alex, Trivette, Gage, & Sydney looked at each other helplessly.  "We have to work non-stop until we find Walker" screamed Alex.  "He's got the coupons for next weeks groceries". "Not tonight", cried Trivette", After six years, I finally have a date with the lady from "Behind the Badge!" Alex, Gage, & Sydney all stared wide-eyed at Trivette, in complete shock.

"You mean Vanessa St. James has finally agreed to go out with you?" asked Gage, incredulously. "Not Vanessa", replied Trivette scornfully, "Nicki, her camerawoman- we really bonded after she capsized that boat."

"Trivette", said Sydney tenderly, "what's more important, your partner or a woman?"  "You’re right, Syd- what's six more years- besides, it would never work- she's a meat eater, and I'm a 1/4 vegetarian"

We've got to find Walker." (end of Chapter 3)

"First, we need a plan of action,” said Trivette.  "We can't be sure, despite the phone call, that Walker has even been kidnapped.  After all, Alex, you get kidnapped regularly, I've been kidnapped, C.D.'s been kidnapped, Gage & Sydney have been kidnapped, and every relative, girlfriend, boyfriend, just plain friend, or any acquaintance that's ever known Walker has been kidnapped, but Walker? Never."  "But, said Alex, "we have the phone call".  As if in answer to her statement, a brick came flying through the office window.  "Read that note" yelled Trivette to the others.

"I'm going after that car."  "Not without me" replied Alex." "Then c'mon," Trivette yelled back at her.  Jumping into Trivette's Mustang, they took off in high-speed pursuit, focusing in on a speeding old Chevy Caprice station wagon.  After a chase through most of Tarrant County, Trivette had lost sight of the Chevy.  He and Alex had turned to go back to Headquarters, when Trivette spotted the wagon parked behind a large, gloomy brick building.  "Stay here and radio for backup", he told Alex" I'm going in". She did radio, but then, naturally, followed Trivette up to the large, oak double doors that appeared to be the main entrance.  Even though the doors weighed 100 pounds each, with heavy brass deadbolt locks, Trivette broke them down with two slight shoves (Walker would have only needed one), and burst into the building with gun drawn, to come face to face with ..........Mother Superior Mary Ignatius Felicity Perpetua and several other Sisters of St. Clare.  Mother Superior quickly disarmed Trivette by rapping him on the knuckles with her ruler. "YOUNG MAN", she demanded, "What's the meaning of bursting into our convent?"  Totally humbled, Trivette stammered that the Sisters’ car looked like one he had been chasing.  "It was ours" replied Mother Superior", and I'll thank you not to follow us again." 

Trivette and Alex beat a hasty retreat from the convent.  Trivette was totally embarrassed, until Alex told him "Don't feel bad, Jimmy" even Cordell can't catch up to nuns when they're driving.  They have both Jesus & St. Christopher on their side." While this made Trivette feel a little better, he still wished that just once he'd actually catch a crook in a car chase.  Dejected, he & Alex returned to Headquarters.

(end of Chapter 4)

Inside a Dodge Neon, which was inside a Ford van, which was inside a Ryder rental truck, which was inside a school bus, which was inside a tractor-trailer, which was inside a shed, which was inside a warehouse, which was inside an airplane hangar, Ranger Cordell Walker lay on his belly, hands and feet trussed behind him like a calf at a rodeo. 

A quick kick in the side rolled him onto his back.  He looked up at three men, all masked.  "Ok, Walker, we have you", grunted the apparent leader, "And you'll tell us what we want to know."  Walker just glared at his captors, and made no reply.

"Ok, if that's the way you want it, we can play rough," said the leader.  "We have your partner Trivette."

He's a Ranger", replied Walker, "you can't hurt me with that threat."  "We have your other friends, Gage & Sydney."  "Rangers again" replied Walker, smugly. "The Yakuza have C.D. in Japan, the leader gritted at Walker through clenched teeth. "Of course the Yakuza have C.D.’s in Japan", replied Walker.  "Sony is from Japan, and they invented the CD."  With that remark, Walker was beaten severely.  "We have your wife & Uncle Ray", was the next threat. Replied Walker "they'd never want me to give in to criminals." And anyway, Uncle Ray’s dead."

Ok then, wise guy, we have your RAM."

"NOT THE RAM" screamed Walker, "You win, I'll tell you anything you want to know, but only to the head of your organization."  Fine, we can have him here in an hour,” replied the head thug. (end of Chapter 5) 

An hour later, Walker heard the sound of 18 doors being opened, 18 doors which he could have burst through with one well-placed kick.  A bright light shone in his eyes, and then he was face to face with the person who ordered his kidnapping.  Since Walker's eyes had not yet adjusted to the light, he demanded "Who are you?"  His nemesis quickly replied "I'm Samuel Smith Barber, one of the richest men in Dallas, pillar of the community, philanthropist, war hero, have a winning smile, a good dancer, and am generally a running dog of Yankee capitalist imperialist swine.

And. like all the other rich people in Dallas, I'm a swindler, arsonist, spouse beater, corrupt politician, and lousy card player. But enough about me.  You know I have your RAM, and I have only one question for you.

That question is, how do you always catch the criminals you are after in a car chase?   I need to know this so I can continue building my evil criminal cartel, and find another beautiful but dumb trophy wife.  You have 10 minutes to answer"  Walker couldn't for the first time in his career, think of a way out of this jam. After all, Barber had him where it hurt most- he had the RAM.   However, unbeknownst to Walker, Trivette, Gage, Sydney, & Alex had spotted Barber on his way to the warehouse, and Alex had obtained one of her instant warrants (They were dehydrated, so she just kept a few in her purse, along with a bottle of Evian water to sprinkle on them as needed).  They were just about to burst into the warehouse, when Gage yelled, "Hold it, We're not prepared yet"  Trivette screamed impatiently "What do you mean, we're not ready?"   Gage replied "I need to know if on this raid, I'm shirtless or non-shirtless, and am I doing the flexing pecs or non-flexing pecs?" Then Sydney chimed in" Yeah, and now that you mention it, for me, will this be a <ki-yahing> or <non-ki-yahing> raid?"

Alex told Trivette, "Jimmy, without Walker here, you're in charge. You give the orders."  Trivette quickly ordered "Gage, this will be shirtless, but non-flexing for you, and, Sydney, I think I can speak for the entire Texas Dept. of Public Safety when I say if we hear one more stupid <ki-yah> out of you- you'll be receiving a free laryngectomy courtesy of the great State of Texas’ worst possible surgeon.  Enough with the <ki-yahs> already!”

Let's go!!!"    Using a small amount of plastic explosive, the Rangers & Alex quickly forced their way into the depths of the hideout.  While this was happening, Walker rubbed through the ropes holding him with a loose piece of sandpaper that had been carelessly left on the floor.  Walker quickly karated his captors into submission, so the other Rangers and Alex only had to cuff Walkers captors & read them their rights.  Alex fell into Walker's arms, and after his capture, feeling feisty and frisky, he was much more passionate than usual. Who knows what would have developed but, unfortunately, Trivette was watching, open mouthed. (end of Chapter 6)

Walker, Alex, Trivette, Gage,& Sydney all returned to C.D.’s for a quick meal & drink.  They still had the key, and somehow, even though C.D. had been gone for months, the bar still had plenty of fresh food and drink available.  "How did you ever find me?" Walker asked Trivette. "Simple," was Trivette's response. "We just followed the biggest stretch limo we spotted.  You know all the criminals in Texas always are chauffeured around in the most ostentatious and noticeable Chrysler vehicles in the state"  All we did was follow the Turbo Charged, 25 foot long Lincoln Town Car"  But why did Barber kidnap you?"            

"Well, Trivette," drawled Walker, "that's an easy question to answer.  Barber wanted to know my secret of always catching the crooks I'm after in car chases- but I'm not telling."  At that, the other four yelled in unison "You're not leaving here until you tell us!"

To which Alex added "or there will be lace curtains in all the windows at the ranch and doilies on furniture!"

"Ok, Ok, you win", Walker replied with a grin of pure enjoyment.  "Before I get involved in a high speed chase, I always look over the bad guys vehicles first. And I always check to see that they're riding on Firestone tires."  

THE END