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Seekers 5 - Going Home

By Sasquaw

It's been almost a year now since the Walkers survived the raid on their home, and the rescue of Cordell. Dealing with devastation, has not only drained them physically, but mentally as well. Tempers and patience have been short and each has tried to handle their problem without help from a professional. Finally, they have all agreed to seek help.

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Dr. Tracy Nelson's Office:

The young man walks in slowly, looking around and adjusting his glasses. A very handsome young man with rustic brown hair, strong jaw line, wide lips, and soft smile.

She nods to a chair and he sits down.

"What, no couch? I thought all psychiatrists preferred their patients to lie down---before their brains are picked?”

The doctor is young; she smiles back at the young man.

"I can bring in a couch if that would make you feel better----ah, you’re Cordell, right?”

 "Yes ma'am, guess you will have to deal with me first, I volunteered!”

"Alright Cordell, I need to ask you several questions about the incident that happened at your ranch home, and how you are coping with it. First of all, would you mind my asking what your injuries consisted of and your frame of mind on everything that has happened?”

Cordell keeps adjusting his glasses.

"Well, I'm having to wear these, to help with the sight in my left eye. I've been wearing them for about six months now but---I think I might be shed of them in couple more months.  I also had some damage done to my left ear, but the hearing is improving---I can hear you just fine!”

"O.k., Cordell, will you tell me what all went down last year when you were kidnapped and your home was raided?”

"Where do I start?”

"Start as far back as you can remember about what happened that day, up to now? Take your time, and remember as clearly as you possibly can o.k.?"

Cordell sighs, "I didn't lose my memory, Dr. Nelson---I have a very good memory--like my Dad!”

The doctor smiles, "you can start now, I'm taping all of this conversation with you and each member of your family and whoever else was involved!”

"I guess I start with leaving Haiti, I was down there with the Peace Corp---helping to rebuild after the earthquake. At first I really enjoyed being down there, working with the people there, especially the kids. After a while, things started changing and the people there weren't getting all of the food supplies from the Red Cross and other charities.

I was working in the warehouse, I was in charge of separating the food and dry goods, like rice, beans, etc. When I would check my inventory, things weren't adding up, so I went to my supervisor Mr. Green. He informed me a large part of the supplies had been raided at the airport and took by groups of terrorists, claiming to be followers of Isis. He said the destination had been changed to a safer airport, and everything would be alright. But, it got worse. The food was diminishing so I confronted him again, he wasn't as patient as the last time and neither was I, we had words!”

Soon I lost my job in the warehouse and was put out in the hospital area, but then we were ordered to hand over our cell phones and any other link to the outside world. Several of us challenged the order; we already had to turn over our passports when we first got down there!”

The doctor interrupts Cordell, "why did you have to give up your passport?”

'The explanation for that was that if one of us was taken by a rebel fighter that they couldn't use 'that passport as their own' and they could get into the states a lot easier. I said that was a bunch of horse shit----I'm sorry I should have said horse crap---I'm sorry for that, Dr. Nelson!”

"I've heard a lot worse, Cordell, what happened next?"

Cordell's voice cracks, "I hadn't been calling home as much as I should have, and I was regretting it--I was getting homesick --and----it caused me to do something---really bad!”

Cordell begins clutching his fists and then twirling the ring on his left 'pinkie' finger.

"Go on, Cordell. What did you do?”

"I was unfaithful to the memory of my fiancé---I had sex with another girl!”

Dr. Tracy goes back to the front of Cordell’s paper, re-checking his age, she stares back at him!”

"Is this correct?  It says you were only 16, and you were engaged to be married?”

"It's correct; Dana and I were going to be married as soon as I graduated high school, which was this past June!”

"WERE' going to be married? Did you break up?”

Cordell sits back down, taking his glasses off and wiping his eyes.

"Dana---Dana was killed in a meth explosion in her old apartment building and NO, she wasn't into meth or any other kind of drug!”

"I'm sorry, Cordell----please continue!”

"Losing Dana was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and that was the reason I went down to Haiti. I couldn't stand being at home, around my family----because I was blaming them for Dana's death!”

"I don't understand did your family not like this 'Dana'?

"They loved her, they thought the world of her---they just didn't understand how we could be so in love as young as we were!” They tried to get us to date others, we wouldn't do it, neither of us wanted to be with anyone else!”

Cordell continues to tell of how he and Dana eventually ended up living at home, and how his parents were slowly accepting the idea of 'marriage' was in the future months. Tells about the day leading up to the explosion and how he went into 'total denial' shutting his family out, and when he left in the middle of night and drove to Grandfather's place in Boston. His grandfather agreed to get Cordell a passport so he could go to Haiti, but only after his parents gave their permission.

They take a small break, and Cordell tells about the time he slept with the girl, he keeps shaking his head.

"I guess I could lie and say that it was because I was so damn homesick and----and----missing Dana----but there was no excuse---I was attracted to her---and we had sex--not once, but twice!”

"Why did you stop? You were a 16 year boy, it's normal for teens to engage in sex, especially this generation?”

Cordell stares back at the psychiatrist, and shakes his head.

"Now you're sounding like my brother, he has bedded so many girls---that he can't even remember how many there have been!” I'm not like him-----besides---this girl was sleeping with several other guys---including our counselor, Mr. Green!”

Cordell stares back at the doctor.

"Why don't you have all of this information in files already, don't doctors in your field have to have guidelines to refer to?"

The doctor takes a long sigh, "this case was handed down to me this past Friday, and I thought I had all of the necessary papers, but apparently I don't"

Cordell looks around the room, seeing all of the plaques and pictures of Dr. Tracy.

"You graduated from Baylor University in Waco, but you got your degree in psychology at UCLA, why is that?”

"Well, for one thing I am a legitimate psychiatrist, if that is what you're asking me, and secondly I didn't decide to go into psychology till after my first child was born, four years later when I was living in California!” You are very observant, to be so young!”

"You didn't answer my question!” How can you do a complete examination into my mind and my thoughts when you don't have all the information on me? And, you haven't asked me the one thing that doctors in your field ask!”

"And, what would that be?” She asks cautiously.

"You haven't asked that stupid and demeaning question about how I feel about my Mother!” So, before you ask it, I will tell you---that I love my Mother and not ashamed to say it!” Are you going to try and read something into that?”

"Do you want me to?”

"Another typical response to a question---is answering with another question."

"What has happened to you Cordell, why the change in your attitude with these questions, I'm supposed to be the one asking them. Would you like to do this another day?”

"No, I don't want to do it another day----and I apologize. I just get a little too protective where my Mother is concerned!”

"If I have said something to make you think that I am attacking 'anyone' in your family---then I am the one that needs to apologize. Personally, I think you have been watching too much TV or movies concerning the behavior of physiology?"

"Alright, we can call a truce!” Protecting the women in my family has been bred into me since ---as long as I can remember!” Can we just get on with this session?”

"O.K. then---we are up to the time that you find out that this girl is very promiscuous, and this makes you mad, angry?”

"Why should it make me angry, I didn't have any feelings for this girl----I was just trying----trying---to"

 Dr. Tracy nods her head.

"You were looking for release for your sexually frustrations, right?"

"If that's the way you want phrase it, then I don't care!”  Oh God, I'm starting to sound like my brother, he says that all of the time---he just wants the sex---he's never cared about any of the girls that he has slept with!” The only thing I'm angry about is that I was ----ashamed of marring the memory of Dana---she would be so ashamed and hurt, she would never forgive me!”

"Cordell, let's get past this part and I want know how you ended up being kidnapped and beaten. How did you get back to the states, how could you do this with no passport?”

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Waiting Room

The Walkers are waiting their turn to be evaluated. Ray will be last one questioned.

Angela is walking back and forth, Alex is watching her.

"She's just nervous, hon!” Replies Walker.

Alex lowers her voice, "No, I don't think it's just this, something has been bothering her for a few months now. I think I will try to get her to talk over some hot tea!”

Walker watches them as they go down to the small cafeteria at the end of the hall.

Cooper clears his voice as he walks up behind his Father.

"Tell me again; what good is this going to prove? Spilling our guts out to some 'shrink' about how we felt when bullets were flying around our heads, and Cordell getting the hell beat out of him?”

"You agreed to participate, Coop---we all did!”

"You were the last one to agree and you only agreed because Mom thought you were having 'flashbacks' of Nam!” Were you?”

"Pretty close to it, son. But, we have all been affected by all of this in some way or another. You and Cordell have been arguing more, Angela has become so quiet that it's scaring the hell out of your Mother, and Ray is having nightmares!”

Cooper sighs, "Yeah, poor little guy. He's been coming into my room at night and sleeping on the floor. Can't count the times I've almost stepped on him!”

"He'll be the last one to talk to the doctor; I sure hope it helps him. What about Moose is his family going to get him some help too?”

"Are you kidding, they're not going to do that---it costs money!” Actually, he doesn't seem affected by any of it. He's lost almost 50 pounds since he's started working on that program you set up for him, and he's eating healthier!”

Walker smiles faintly, "That's good, I knew he could do it, he just needed motivation!”

"His family is still talking about suing you, you know that?”

"Yeah, I know. But, I gave Moose the choice to leave, he declined. Besides, getting a lawyer to take their case is also going to cost money, and if they won't pay to get him help, why would they think it wouldn't cost money to sue me?”

"You don't know that family, Dad. They want the money to come in---not go out!” By the way, where is Matt?”

"He said he would be here for your sister; guess he's changed his mind!”

Alex observes her daughter as she sips the hot tea.

"Sweetheart, are you alright? You seem nervous, all you have to do is answer truthfully about how all of this is affecting you, and the doctor will recommend treatment on how to work through this!”

Angela closes her eyes, "work through this? Mama, I killed a man!” I took someone's life!”

Alex reaches out and takes her daughter's hand, "would you have rather your little brother or me be the one to die, because that is exactly what that s.o.b. was going to do? You shot that man in self-defense of your family!”

"I'm not regretting that I shot him, I just wish it hadn't come to that."

"We all feel that way, we didn't start the fight. This assault upon this family had been planned a long time, and Nagan and his killers were going to take the ranch anyway they could and the final straw was the kidnapping of Cooper!”

"You mean Cordell, Mama.”

"They were intending to take Cooper, because of Nagan's hatred for your brother and Cordell happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was no other way; we had to make a stand to get your brother free!”

"What if this doctor decides that we are all crazy?”

"If standing up and protecting your family and your property is crazy, then she's the one that needs to see a psychiatrist!”

"Angie, I'm here---am I too late, have you already seen that doctor?”

Alex looks up to see Matt, out of breath.

"What took you so long, where have you been?”

"I couldn't leave the station unattended, I had to wait til my old man got back from the doctor’s office, I told you he had an appointment, Angie!”

She nods her head and goes into his arms, "I'm glad you're here, I was starting to get really nervous!”

Matt hugs Angela harder and smiles at Alex.

"Hi Mrs. Walker---I got here as soon as I could!”

"Matt, is your Pop alright, what kind of doctor’s appointment?”

"It's just his follow up, he's still got some high blood pressure and they are going to put him on another pill. Damn VA, he gives almost 15 years to this country, and this is how they treat their veterans!”

They walk back to the waiting room and continue to wait for Cordell's session to be over.

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"Alright Cordell, we've had a small break, do you want something else to drink?”

"No ma'am, the coffee is fine. You asked how I got back to the states without a passport.  I broke into the counselor's office and took it. I also took Miska's passport, but she wouldn't take it, she said she wasn't leaving!”

"Miska, who is that?”

"She was a transfer student that got on the plane with us in Miami. I was drawn to her because she was from Ukraine; I've always wanted to see the place. Dana and I were going to go there after we were married, but then things started getting really dangerous over there. I pray she got out of there and back with her family!”

"So, were you the only one to leave?”

"Yeah, I tried talking to the others, but they were afraid of what would happen if they were caught. By this time Mr. Greene was starting to get into a lot of trouble, I think the Red Cross and other charities that were supporting him were starting to investigate him. I left in the middle of the night and 'hitched' my way to the airport. I was really surprised that I boarded the plane so easily. I only had $50.00 in American money and by the time I got to that airport, I was starving. I didn't want to risk trying to buy food with the money---so I stole some apples from a vender of some kind. I ate about 5 of them, they tasted really good, and then the plane was in the air. When I landed at Miami, I called my grandpa to see if he would wire me some more money to get back home. I learned later that he had a heart attack and was in the hospital!”

 I couldn’t get in touch with him, so I tried calling my parents. I kept getting a busy signal so I texted them and my brother and still no body would answer. It was about that time that our ranch was getting attacked, I learned later. So, I started 'hitching again' and I was really lucky truckers were the best on giving me rides; I helped to drive some of those semis, even though it was against their company's rules. I made Springtown about 2am and I was still trying to call home---still no answer. I made it down the old gravel drive up to the first cattle guard and was trying to remember the password to the security lock, and that's when my lights went out!”  I was being shoved into the back of car that stunk like booze and cigars. I heard some voices and I recognized one of them as Nagan's. Then they started beating me and calling me 'Jr boss 'man', I lost conscious!”

"This Nagan was the one that kidnapped you?”

"Yes ma'am, they just kept beating me, I couldn't see out of my eyes, there was so much blood. Sometime later, I heard Nagan telling my Dad that they had his son. Now, I knew why he was referring to me as 'Jr boss-man, that's what he always called my brother!”

"How did he mistake you for your brother, had they ever met?”

Cordell smiles, "oh yeah! ”He and my brother clashed all of the time, because when my Dad wasn't around, Cooper was the boss and believe me---he loved bossing people around. I only saw Nagan a couple of times and it was usually distant. I didn't have too much to do with the hired-hands; I usually helped my Dad with the financial business.”

The doctor looks at Cordell curiously.

"Then why didn't he know that he had your brother and not you, why didn't you say something?”

"He didn't know he had the wrong brother, because Cooper and I are identical twins, and I didn't tell him he had the wrong one, because I would never do that to my brother!”

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Waiting Room

Alex is still worried about her daughter's behavior, and her body movement. There's actually space between Angela and Matt, they are usually so close; a toothpick couldn't be wedged between them.

"Something is definitely going on between those two," she whispers.

Walker sips his coffee, "Yeah, I sense it also. Did you get anything out of her when you were having tea?”

"I thought she might have opened up, but then Matt showed up and---nothing!”

Walker draws a deep breath, "Alright!” I know she's supposed to be on birth control, but accidents happen---do you think she's pregnant?"

Alex shakes her head, "I don't know, but before we leave here, I am going to know if she is!!” I just can't help but think it's something else, she doesn't seem happy!”

"Angela is supposed to go in next; maybe I can get Cooper to go ahead of her!”

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Cooper walks briskly into the Dr. Nelson's office, nods to the Doctor, finds a seat and sits down, slouching!”

She watches him, noticing arrogance about him.

"Hello Cooper, it's nice to meet you!”

Cooper clears his throat and sits up straighter in his chair.

"Nice to meet you too, Doc--can't say I'm happy to be here. I see no reason to be here---so 'fire' away so I can get out of here!” I have work to do at the ranch; those new calves won't brand themselves!!”

"Alright, let's start with your attitude, who are you angry with?”

"I'm not angry, I'm just''

"That's not what your brother said; he said you were very angry-especially with him!”

Cooper stares back, "Cordell said that?”

"Yes, he did. He said that you were angry!” But, observing you in this short time, I don't think 'anger' is the issue here. I think you are feeling a great deal of remorse for what happened to your brother, especially when it was 'you' that these men wanted to hurt---or maybe kill!”

Cooper's temper is rising.

"Maybe kill? I got news for you Doc; they had every intention on killing my brother---or -- rather to kill me!” There was no 'maybe to it---they beat the hell out of Cordell-----and from what he told us later, he knew----my brother knew that it was 'me'---they were after. And, he wouldn't tell them---he should have told them!”

"What could you have done, Cooper? Do you think they would have just let your brother go--and take you instead?”

Cooper starts to pace, his fists opening and closing---he starts to mumble.

"Cooper, what are you saying, I can't hear you?”

He turns to face her with tears in his eyes, "I knew he wouldn't tell them-----just like the last time---he took a beating for me---and wouldn't try to stop them!”

"What time was that, has this happened before?”

Cooper starts telling the doctor about the time in Old Mexico when he and Cordell went in search for their Father.  He talks of Lupe, the waitress that was flirting with him, giving him false hopes of sex. (Told in Seekers/ The Quest).

"We had gone back to the motel and I was----I was acting like a fool---I was excited that---my first time---would be with an 'experienced ' ---whore!” Cordell and I didn't know that she had sent her husband and some other creeps to beat us up and take the money that Cordell had stashed in his boot. She said she wanted to 'do' both of us but Cordell didn't want anything to do with her, afraid of getting some kind of decease or something, and saying he wanted his first time to be with his girlfriend, Dana. So he said he was going to the truck, so me and Lupe could be alone, I said "great' and headed for the shower.

While I was showering those creeps busted in, thinking he was me, and beat the hell out of him---just like this time!!” Again-----he never told them they had the wrong one!”

Dr. Tracy exhales slowly, shaking her head.

"I can't believe that all of this has happened in your life---and your brothers.” You both have quite a lot of adventures to talk about, didn't I read something in your brother's session about someone named Sarge that also broke into your home and injected your brother with some kind of drug?”

"Yes ma'am---and >those S.O.B.s tried to hurt my baby brother also!”

The doctor goes back to Cordell's file, flipping through the pages.

"Where were your parents when all of this was going on?"

Cooper's memory flashes back to Seekers part 1 and the troubling times with Sarge and Kiwi, and a kid named Danny that Copper befriended and invited him into his family life, and the way he betrayed the Walker family.

The doctor has listened to the entire story and shakes her head in disbelief.

"I find all of this hard to believe, I don't remember reading or hearing about this in the media, how did all of you handle all of that? Surely, you got some help in dealing with all of the trauma?”

Cooper turns his head away quickly and remembers something that is known only to the Walker family about how Sarge 'really' died, at the hands of his Father---Cordell Walker.

"Uhhh, I think I need to take a break---could I have something to drink---I'm also getting hungry?”

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