“FEELINGS
By Tina
Special thanks to Lelani

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This is a missing scene from the episode ‘The Wedding’. After taking a shower, Walker comes back to the hospital…
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Walker is seated in a booth at that hospital’s cafeteria. C.D. arrives and sits in a booth across him with two cups of coffee and some doughnuts.
Walker passes one hand through his hair in a nervous way, “Why? Why is this happening to me again?”
C.D. sighs, he would like to say more than: “I don’t know son.”
“When Ellen died, all I could think was that someone wonderful, someone that I loved was dead and it was my fault. I was the real killer and my punishment would be to have that to live with. My guilt was so intense that I couldn’t feel the pain of the loss. I couldn’t even miss her. I had killed Ellen. When I started to hunt Pike, I wished I could find my own death. I really wanted to die, I deserved that.”
“I remember Cordell, I was there. But you survived, didn’t you? You got through it and kept living.”
“Really C.D.? I’m not sure. I just remained myself for you and Uncle Ray, the people who meant most to me, but inside, I was numb, running away from people, commitments and from myself. Then I met Alex.”
Walker sighs as he remembers his first meeting with Alex. He sips his coffee, “I remember that morning I arrived at Headquarters, there was an undercurrent of excitement. I asked Travis what was happening and he told me: “It’s the new ADA. Oh boy, she is wonderful, an angel face on a goddess body. And those legs!” A light smile appears in his face. You know old Travis, I thought sure he was exaggerating. “For you Travis, it’s enough that she’s a woman. Besides, after that Piggy Edwards, I mean, after that dragon lady, any ADA would be wonderful, even a man.”
Walker looked at his coffee as he continued the memory, “Travis just looked at me and insisted that he wasn’t telling tales. “You don’t believe me, huh? Well when you meet her, you’ll see for yourself. Wow, I would give any thing for a possibility with a woman like her”.
“I just laughed at him and went to the courtroom. I was a bit nervous because I had to give a deposition and I have a habit of losing my temper around lawyers. I’d rather face a hundred bad guys than one lawyer. Well, I was there ready for battle when suddenly she appeared in front of me. Then she looked at me with those incredible blue eyes. It was as if I was in shock, I was paralyzed. She was the most beautiful woman I had seen in all my life. But, more than that, she had something that made me remember my old self, the old Cordell Walker who had died with Ellen. In that moment C.D., I knew that woman would be my heaven and my hell. I tried to hide my feelings, but she took up more and more of my life, my heart. Now there isn’t any piece of my heart or my mind that isn’t taken up with Alex. How could I possibly live without her C.D.?” A lonely tear runs from his eye down his cheek.
“Please, don’t say that Cordell,” C.D. says moved.
“You know what’s worse? This time I’m not guilty, this didn’t happen because of my job or me. I can’t punish myself. I have to face the pain. I have to face this emptiness that her absence leaves in me.” His voice is broken by a sob.
“You know you aren’t alone Cordell. You don’t have Ray with you anymore, but I’m right here and Jimmy is too. But mainly we all have Alex. That lady is a fighter like you and she will win this battle. You know she is too stubborn to give up, don’t you?” C.D. looked at Walker and they shared a smile.
“And you know what Cordell? You have to go after this Storm and order him to where he belongs because Alex would never allow that he remain free. Let’s go son, fight your battle while she fights hers.”
“I will C.D.” Walker stands up and goes to the exit. Suddenly he turns back to his friend and says: “Thanks and take care of her until I come back C.D.”
“Always,” C.D. vowed.
Walker leaves, knowing that his friend will watch over his ladylove. He has a bad guy to catch. A really bad guy. Storm doesn’t stand of chance of remaining free after shooting his beloved Alex. He had made a promise to C.D. and a promise to Alex, but mostly, it was a promise to himself. He wasn’t going to let this man take the joy out of his life. He knew what it was to live in darkness after the death of Ellen, Alex was going to live and Storm was going to pay for hurting her. It had to be that way.
The End